One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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