until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
