Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
