shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
