dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
