i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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