I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
