It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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