It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
