Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
