i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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