Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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