I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
