I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
