I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
