id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
