im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
