We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
