the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
