wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
