I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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