I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
