When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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