perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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