I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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