So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
