Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize