whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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