I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
