i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
