they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
