I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
