and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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