Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
