the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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