Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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