There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Blood and glitter go together right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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