So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am available for nakedness
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize