no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
