I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
