3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
