grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
