i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
