this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
These tits shall not be calmed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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