dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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