I think I am morally bankrupt
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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