so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
