My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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