New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize