You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
