i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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