we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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