I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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