If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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