We're like a lot better than the average bears
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
