When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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