He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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