All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
