HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want nice things and good sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
