Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
