I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize