mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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