i already hear my dad disowning me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
