I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
