I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
