Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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