4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
