Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
