He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize