I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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