Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
