There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
