is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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