he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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