did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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