Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
