if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
