I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
