The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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