there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
