Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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