I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
