yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
