Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
