Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
